Does that sound delicious? Am I wrong to complain that when I do fall it is always with someone incredibly handsome who says and does the most wonderful things, though only for a short while? Should I be happy with that? I want to bump into someone in a supermarket, meet someone through friends, take a class with someone, and then two to five years later joke about how we've never been apart since; I want a "When Harry Met Sally", but am more likely to get a "Friends With Benefits" (w/out the ridiculous Hollywood ending). I am not allowed the normal. I tried it briefly, in Uganda, to disastrous results; my Soul still threatens to make me vomit at the thought of him. But it would have been so incredibly easy.....But okay, maybe the truth is I do NOT want a normal; maybe I want incredible; maybe Harry seems like a total jackass, loser and I'd never have banged him. As envious as I get of my friends relationships, that is often the case. If I could switch places with them, I'd never have got past the first date-ewwwwwwww, they are all so......un-magical!
And I get this. I do.
I have learnt more in the times and ways I've been excluded from normalcy than I have by being a part of a real production.
I wrote to him as just an editor, an editor who seemed invitingly writable. And then he asked for my picture, and so many words that I'm not sure I actually feel slipped from my fingertips and out to him. I could own him if I wanted to; I think, he wants to be owned.
I've had such an exposing week. First the editor who has now become a constant voice in my mind, and I feel I must be in his as well. Then there is the that ka-guy who is being amusingly persistent. And now I pushed my self to get involved with a performance. Which leads me to think there could be even more interesting interactions in my future. The editor has suggested a meeting. Next week. He would fly half way across the world just to have a conversation with me, if that's not romantic I don't know what is. All of this exposure, so fast, all of a sudden, the question is, am I ready for my close up?